Sunday, May 29, 2005
A Year In
One year later. I’ve been back in Mexico for a whole year. I got here May 29, 2004. But last year it was a Saturday, not a Sunday. No matter. It’s a year. Does it seem that long? No, it doesn’t. Yes, it does. I had a rough first few weeks when I got here a year ago. All my old friends that I knew from before left just a few days after I got back. So I had to say goodbye to all of them. But guess what; I made some new friends. And now it seems like I’m saying goodbye to all of them. I’ve said a lot of goodbyes over the last couple of days. Yesterday I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends I’ve ever known. I didn’t know what to say; I just stood there quiet like an idiot and didn’t say anything. And I’ll have some more goodbyes to say in the weeks and months to come. I’ll have one to say while I’m in Korea and another sometime this summer. So I’ve made up my mind. Saying all these goodbyes stinks.
One year later I still don’t know what I’m going to do when I leave Mexico. I still don’t know when I’ll leave Mexico. I’m so unsure about everything right now. I heard news this week that made me upset, but I don’t want to write about it here. But it really made me question a lot of things and look at myself in a new way. It made me consider why I am the way I am, and consider things that could make me something better, something more than the way I am in my natural man. Things confuse me so much. I don’t have this whole thing figured out, even though I try to think sometimes that I do. I guess I’m fooling myself when I say I should have it all figured out. But I am 27 years old now; shouldn’t that count for something? I’ve lived out of the USA for three whole years; does that not mean anything?
Just wondering.
One year later I still don’t know what I’m going to do when I leave Mexico. I still don’t know when I’ll leave Mexico. I’m so unsure about everything right now. I heard news this week that made me upset, but I don’t want to write about it here. But it really made me question a lot of things and look at myself in a new way. It made me consider why I am the way I am, and consider things that could make me something better, something more than the way I am in my natural man. Things confuse me so much. I don’t have this whole thing figured out, even though I try to think sometimes that I do. I guess I’m fooling myself when I say I should have it all figured out. But I am 27 years old now; shouldn’t that count for something? I’ve lived out of the USA for three whole years; does that not mean anything?
Just wondering.
